Tuesday, December 29, 2009
i have to say, this year. may be the best year yet. the ONLY reason i thought i started this blog this year was cause. hey, it was the IT thing. everyone's doing it, so i should too. but now that i think about it, its become a part of my life. its like a diary. like, everyone's gone on to something more exciting. but i'm still here, trying to fit time into adding a blog entry at least almost once something exciting happens. and i wanna dot it down. so i won't forget. so thank you 2009, its been a great year. :)
today:
i went to the entrance! its sorta becoming a tradition really, and this year, we again went with cloe's family, plus hosanna and jess. and it was fun. and the part that i still sorta half had my period made it really weird. like. its gone. and i really don't know if i should be talking about this on my blog but whoever's reading it. i'll bash you if you mention this again! but yeah. hosanna and jess and i held hands and wend it. damn people caught so much fish! howin didn't catch any and sorta also sprained his ankle. :( but then like. i'm so sunburnt. it not funny. i was wearing a bikini with a singlet on and board shorts. and when i went to shower, i had an ugly singlet RED tan/sunburnt and my legs were really tanned. minus the top parts. cause of the shorts?
but yeah kids. this is the lesson. ALWAYS wear DOUBLE layers of sunscreen and PUT IT ON almost EVERY 2 hours. i don't know how long i was out there, without sun screen :(
oh wells. at least now i'm not as pale?
okies. watching tv now. laters !
oh yeah. one thing. louisa, TOP IS THE HOTTEST.
woooooooooooooooooooooo.
today:
i went to the entrance! its sorta becoming a tradition really, and this year, we again went with cloe's family, plus hosanna and jess. and it was fun. and the part that i still sorta half had my period made it really weird. like. its gone. and i really don't know if i should be talking about this on my blog but whoever's reading it. i'll bash you if you mention this again! but yeah. hosanna and jess and i held hands and wend it. damn people caught so much fish! howin didn't catch any and sorta also sprained his ankle. :( but then like. i'm so sunburnt. it not funny. i was wearing a bikini with a singlet on and board shorts. and when i went to shower, i had an ugly singlet RED tan/sunburnt and my legs were really tanned. minus the top parts. cause of the shorts?
but yeah kids. this is the lesson. ALWAYS wear DOUBLE layers of sunscreen and PUT IT ON almost EVERY 2 hours. i don't know how long i was out there, without sun screen :(
oh wells. at least now i'm not as pale?
okies. watching tv now. laters !
oh yeah. one thing. louisa, TOP IS THE HOTTEST.
woooooooooooooooooooooo.
♥babyee
3:53 AM
3:53 AM
Saturday, December 26, 2009
today was a great day., i gotta say. it might even be better than christmas D: besides the fact that louise, hosanna and i watched movies until 2 in the morning. it was all good. except i had to wake up early D: cause we were going to jess's house.
so we got there, at like. 1:30 :L and we ate. and stuff. played wii. cod, sing star. etc. talked. and one shock.
i never knew my face was not reconisable at school D:
the shocking fact: jess's bro has NEVER seen me at school. and i'm there. all the time. everyone sees me.! right?!?
i'm shocked. D:
but we had maccas on the while back home. cause we left at like. 8:30. and we felt bad about having dinner cause we already had lunch there and they had family members over.
so yeah. thats about it. i missed out on boxing day shopping but i had fun today.
who knows. maybe we'll go boxing day shopping tomorrow?
so we got there, at like. 1:30 :L and we ate. and stuff. played wii. cod, sing star. etc. talked. and one shock.
i never knew my face was not reconisable at school D:
the shocking fact: jess's bro has NEVER seen me at school. and i'm there. all the time. everyone sees me.! right?!?
i'm shocked. D:
but we had maccas on the while back home. cause we left at like. 8:30. and we felt bad about having dinner cause we already had lunch there and they had family members over.
so yeah. thats about it. i missed out on boxing day shopping but i had fun today.
who knows. maybe we'll go boxing day shopping tomorrow?
♥babyee
2:26 AM
2:26 AM
Friday, December 25, 2009
"ts the season to be merry."
MERRY CHRISTMASTIMESS :)
i rekon that sounds alot better than just plain merry christmas.
i wish everyone that reads this blog entry a great day. and i hope you guys got a lotta great presents! even though i stayed at home today. i did do something. i finished a drawing. sketch really. and i'll post it up. cause i found the phone microchip thing. which is great news. which means now. i can post everyone that i've taken that i wanted to show. :D the pics not that clear. but you get the point. i gave it to louise. she better take care of it >.>
but the point of this blog is, have a great christmas :)
♥babyee
2:54 AM
2:54 AM
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
no, i'm not talking about the nikaloden ( and yes, the spelling is wrong. what kind of person names their channel so hard to spell?) show, avatar. i'm talking about the movie babyee. :)
dammit its good. and the fact that i watched it in 3D was even better. god i feel like i'm saying an advertisment. but oh wells, it was THAT. good. like. the people weren't ugly. they were suppose to be an ancient civilisation that didn't know anything, but they looked pretty awesomo. to me.
anyways, that was what me, louise, howin and hosanna did yesterday. besides that. spotsgirl. everything on sale half priced again D: what has the world come to?
we went ice skating today. and by we, i meant mithila, anna c, louisa, monique, me, monique's sis, tammy :L. it was coolos. SHOCK FACT: I DIDN'T FALL. NOT ONCE.
SUCK ON THAT ANNA.
♥babyee
11:31 PM
11:31 PM
Thursday, December 17, 2009
i know. its really my fault D: i haven't blogged for yonks. and its cause its the. HOLIDAYS? :)
okey dokey. recap on everything that happened, starting from last monday. cause yeah :) everyday counts. here we go.
MONDAY: ( my last day of school)
presentation night, which is why i went to school. it was cool :) first time seeing everything. went to watch a christmas carol with monique, which i think a certain someone owes me a certain 15 bucks, but yeah. and ITS SHIT. don't go watch it. it should be rated M. damn i'm scared of a cartoon D: uh. what else happened? i don't remember. since it was like. last week? or was it this week?
TUESDAY:
slept in. of course. uhhh. sophia and anna c came over. they were too chicken to watch prom night, which ended up me watching it with louise, late at night, which i must mention that its really fake. so yeah. its actually not that scary. i watched my sister's keeper with louise. which made me cried alot. WE SHOULD'VE WATCHED IT ANNA!. but i watched forgetting sarah marshal and the other cheerleading movie. hm. what else happened? uh. well. i guess thats about it.
WEDNESDAY:
i had tutoring. for the last time this year! and before that i went to sevo shopping with mother dear (: i bought this pair of cutkins silk pj shorts, which i like, and i also bought shorts and this little plants thingys and jars and these little plastic balls that you put in the water for 2 hours and the expand into these wettish little things. can't explain. but look pretty as a picture. oh mum bought vampire academy book :) dammit its good.
THURSDAY:
hm. what did i do. oh yeah. we stayed at home and watched asian dramas. ALL. DAY. LONG
FRIDAY:
i honestly forgot what happened on friday. D:
SATURDAY:
the usual. piano lessons, then art. but the morning on this sat, me and mum went to the shops cause we had to buy a box for my art teacher's present . which are pretty bowls. my piano's teacher's presents are pretty too :) i wrapped them. so i should know. [hmph] and then we went and my art teacher was like. woah thats a big present and ended up giving my mum this pretty teapot set. so hoho christmas to us all. after wards we went home, wanting to go shopping, but all the shops were close. so we decided to go to an Italian restaurant instead to eat. food was yummos.
SUNDAY:
hmm. what happened. oh yeah. we went fishing! amazing D: i convinced sophia to come, but secretly laughing cause i kept this itsy bitsy secret to myself; that ryan was coming too. we got there, with sophia punching me. obviously. to penrith lake. aka regatta centre or something? they gave us fishing rods, mine is blue :) but almost all the kids have blue. or pink. and tried fishing, which was pretty hard to get the hang off, but something i really wanna do again. never caught a fish D: but then we saw all these little kids fishing for little fishes near the shallow end with nets. withour a net, we got cups and fished. louise caught one, but i uh, accidentally knocked it over, with my foot, and mum tried to pick it up, and ended up killing it with her nail. we took pics, which i stupidly wore this hat and apparently its gonna be on the chinese newspaper and their website, that is, the governement website. and had free pizza and caught more fish with a net. borrowed this time :) sophia and ryan. did not talk. sadly.
MONDAY:
i had my maccas interview today! and my mum's friend's daughter, which she is studying overseas here, is staying here for a week. she came over, on the train, and which i hurried to clean my room to its best state. which i am pretty proud off. and got dressed, and did i tell you that after we finished fisihing, we went to the penrith plaza, and i bought the rest of the books of vampire academy and bought a new shirt and ate? yeah, well, that was pretty awesome as well. anyways, back to my thing. got downstairs. they were watching tv, and we ate noodles. and then off i went to the interview. i met louisa, and her friend elena, and we waited, and talked. were a bit nervous, but i knew that louisa was going first, so i wasn't that bad. but then, turns out that some people were late, and the chick ended up interviewing me first! i was really really confused by then. and now, i have sorta forgotten everything that i said in the interview. i'm not gonna get the job, cause louise didn't get it either, but then. it was for experience :) that's all it counts. mum met up with me once i finished my interview, and we went shopping. i swear, we sorta did spend alot. but i think christmas is a great season. "t's the season to be jolly"
mum is broke now i think, and i think tomorrow, when hosanna and me and louise and howin go to parra for movies and mum stays home to cook for the season, winter chinese thing. which is really important. and i will get her something nice :) secretly, of course! anways, i'll reveal all the presents, on christmas day, and i will now go on facebook and talk to everyone.
till next week blog. or maybe the next time i GET the comp.
toodles
x
okey dokey. recap on everything that happened, starting from last monday. cause yeah :) everyday counts. here we go.
MONDAY: ( my last day of school)
presentation night, which is why i went to school. it was cool :) first time seeing everything. went to watch a christmas carol with monique, which i think a certain someone owes me a certain 15 bucks, but yeah. and ITS SHIT. don't go watch it. it should be rated M. damn i'm scared of a cartoon D: uh. what else happened? i don't remember. since it was like. last week? or was it this week?
TUESDAY:
slept in. of course. uhhh. sophia and anna c came over. they were too chicken to watch prom night, which ended up me watching it with louise, late at night, which i must mention that its really fake. so yeah. its actually not that scary. i watched my sister's keeper with louise. which made me cried alot. WE SHOULD'VE WATCHED IT ANNA!. but i watched forgetting sarah marshal and the other cheerleading movie. hm. what else happened? uh. well. i guess thats about it.
WEDNESDAY:
i had tutoring. for the last time this year! and before that i went to sevo shopping with mother dear (: i bought this pair of cutkins silk pj shorts, which i like, and i also bought shorts and this little plants thingys and jars and these little plastic balls that you put in the water for 2 hours and the expand into these wettish little things. can't explain. but look pretty as a picture. oh mum bought vampire academy book :) dammit its good.
THURSDAY:
hm. what did i do. oh yeah. we stayed at home and watched asian dramas. ALL. DAY. LONG
FRIDAY:
i honestly forgot what happened on friday. D:
SATURDAY:
the usual. piano lessons, then art. but the morning on this sat, me and mum went to the shops cause we had to buy a box for my art teacher's present . which are pretty bowls. my piano's teacher's presents are pretty too :) i wrapped them. so i should know. [hmph] and then we went and my art teacher was like. woah thats a big present and ended up giving my mum this pretty teapot set. so hoho christmas to us all. after wards we went home, wanting to go shopping, but all the shops were close. so we decided to go to an Italian restaurant instead to eat. food was yummos.
SUNDAY:
hmm. what happened. oh yeah. we went fishing! amazing D: i convinced sophia to come, but secretly laughing cause i kept this itsy bitsy secret to myself; that ryan was coming too. we got there, with sophia punching me. obviously. to penrith lake. aka regatta centre or something? they gave us fishing rods, mine is blue :) but almost all the kids have blue. or pink. and tried fishing, which was pretty hard to get the hang off, but something i really wanna do again. never caught a fish D: but then we saw all these little kids fishing for little fishes near the shallow end with nets. withour a net, we got cups and fished. louise caught one, but i uh, accidentally knocked it over, with my foot, and mum tried to pick it up, and ended up killing it with her nail. we took pics, which i stupidly wore this hat and apparently its gonna be on the chinese newspaper and their website, that is, the governement website. and had free pizza and caught more fish with a net. borrowed this time :) sophia and ryan. did not talk. sadly.
MONDAY:
i had my maccas interview today! and my mum's friend's daughter, which she is studying overseas here, is staying here for a week. she came over, on the train, and which i hurried to clean my room to its best state. which i am pretty proud off. and got dressed, and did i tell you that after we finished fisihing, we went to the penrith plaza, and i bought the rest of the books of vampire academy and bought a new shirt and ate? yeah, well, that was pretty awesome as well. anyways, back to my thing. got downstairs. they were watching tv, and we ate noodles. and then off i went to the interview. i met louisa, and her friend elena, and we waited, and talked. were a bit nervous, but i knew that louisa was going first, so i wasn't that bad. but then, turns out that some people were late, and the chick ended up interviewing me first! i was really really confused by then. and now, i have sorta forgotten everything that i said in the interview. i'm not gonna get the job, cause louise didn't get it either, but then. it was for experience :) that's all it counts. mum met up with me once i finished my interview, and we went shopping. i swear, we sorta did spend alot. but i think christmas is a great season. "t's the season to be jolly"
mum is broke now i think, and i think tomorrow, when hosanna and me and louise and howin go to parra for movies and mum stays home to cook for the season, winter chinese thing. which is really important. and i will get her something nice :) secretly, of course! anways, i'll reveal all the presents, on christmas day, and i will now go on facebook and talk to everyone.
till next week blog. or maybe the next time i GET the comp.
toodles
x
♥babyee
2:50 AM
2:50 AM
Friday, December 11, 2009
LOL. even though its not the last day of school, it sure feels like it! reports, good marks. and my beloved painting that i painted in art. all at home at last :)
should be proud of this y'all. my first time : STRAIGHT A'S :)
and no anna, your douchebag. they did not confuse my report with karl's :L
but yes, i think everyone's tired of school. and really wants to just get along with it, but i am gonna go to school on monday, cause of presentation night, and tuesday. because a certain douchebag convinced me to ;D
special mention to robert :) i actually didn't think he was serious when he said he was gonna get me chocolate, so yeah. i'll get you something :D
i've still got that cough, and the snotty nose. i'll get better :)
bro's violin exam tomorrow! wishes him luck and to have fun.
we also got that all around air con, which causes alot of moneay. so yeah. christmas won't be as well off i guess? but oh wells. as long as we're all around, that's all it reall counts.
louise's year 10 gradation today! congrats!
i'm tired of all the school drama. and i hope that next year, it'll be better. and we'll all be close than ever. or not. whatever happens, i'm sure i'll be pumped up for it. otherwise why would i be here?
should be proud of this y'all. my first time : STRAIGHT A'S :)
and no anna, your douchebag. they did not confuse my report with karl's :L
but yes, i think everyone's tired of school. and really wants to just get along with it, but i am gonna go to school on monday, cause of presentation night, and tuesday. because a certain douchebag convinced me to ;D
special mention to robert :) i actually didn't think he was serious when he said he was gonna get me chocolate, so yeah. i'll get you something :D
i've still got that cough, and the snotty nose. i'll get better :)
bro's violin exam tomorrow! wishes him luck and to have fun.
we also got that all around air con, which causes alot of moneay. so yeah. christmas won't be as well off i guess? but oh wells. as long as we're all around, that's all it reall counts.
louise's year 10 gradation today! congrats!
i'm tired of all the school drama. and i hope that next year, it'll be better. and we'll all be close than ever. or not. whatever happens, i'm sure i'll be pumped up for it. otherwise why would i be here?
♥babyee
3:11 AM
3:11 AM
Thursday, December 10, 2009
tired. sick. and really really tired.
but. tomorrow's friday, and i've earner it. i hope :)
a long night of sleep with dramas and a good book to read.
hoho :D
i can't wait for the end of the year, when the holidays start. and i can totally just sleep in. i'm so tired. i'm literally night dreaming right now D:
i'ma sleep.
and i will blog on what i was gonna blog on tonight, except. i forgot.
tooodles.
x
but. tomorrow's friday, and i've earner it. i hope :)
a long night of sleep with dramas and a good book to read.
hoho :D
i can't wait for the end of the year, when the holidays start. and i can totally just sleep in. i'm so tired. i'm literally night dreaming right now D:
i'ma sleep.
and i will blog on what i was gonna blog on tonight, except. i forgot.
tooodles.
x
♥babyee
3:13 AM
3:13 AM
Monday, December 7, 2009
this is probably gonna be one of the longest blogs i have EVER written. but since louise took my spot for shower, i might as well have a quality 30mins of blogging. this is one of the things anna zhang has shown me, which made me realised how lucky. we truly are. this is a true story btw.
and becuase stupid blogspot won't let me copy and paste, i'll have to type it >.>
but becuase i'm so slow at typing. i'll just copy and paste. the link :L
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Junko_Furuta
RIP. Junko Furuta. i think that the women and girls living in the world today. are so much better off than the other women and girls living in the past. so, we may not wear skirts or dresses everywhere, have rich husbands, some may never marry. but we get our rights. and thats all that counts, really.
if you don't have your rights. you don't have a say. and if i didn't have a right. i guess i wouldn't be bloggin today about what's happened to Junko Furuta.
next thing. today. GORGEOUS shoes and my favourite, balloons. not ANY balloons. HELIUM balloons. curesy of sajikah :)
presentation day, never knew that ties were so. ANNOYING!
pe, i felt a bit sick. so i guess i'll sleep early. tonight :)
my 2010 goals. i guess they'll go up to 10000000000000000000000000000. but i'll try my best:
and becuase stupid blogspot won't let me copy and paste, i'll have to type it >.>
but becuase i'm so slow at typing. i'll just copy and paste. the link :L
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Junko_Furuta
RIP. Junko Furuta. i think that the women and girls living in the world today. are so much better off than the other women and girls living in the past. so, we may not wear skirts or dresses everywhere, have rich husbands, some may never marry. but we get our rights. and thats all that counts, really.
if you don't have your rights. you don't have a say. and if i didn't have a right. i guess i wouldn't be bloggin today about what's happened to Junko Furuta.
next thing. today. GORGEOUS shoes and my favourite, balloons. not ANY balloons. HELIUM balloons. curesy of sajikah :)
presentation day, never knew that ties were so. ANNOYING!
pe, i felt a bit sick. so i guess i'll sleep early. tonight :)
my 2010 goals. i guess they'll go up to 10000000000000000000000000000. but i'll try my best:
- get great results. in everything! mainly school of course.
- pass my 7th grade piano exam.
- pass my 3rd grade theory exam
- art. improve please?
- help out around mum. that's like. not even a goal. it must be achieved. NOW.
- do my assignments. early.
- do my assignments to the best of my ability
- join everything at school. with sarah, louisa, vinu and sajikah :)
- friendships. please let them be smooth sails.
- new yet free "laptops" take care vanessa, don't drop it.
- save moneay!
- do a good job. at a job. ~hoho~
- clean my room???
- learn guitar. but first,
- must buy guitar
- be nice to everyone. family as well!
- be safe
- be healthy
- be as happy as i can be
- try not to get sick >.>
- i will attempt not to pinch anna cheng's cheeks and say "your so cute'' cause that's just. leso >.>
- i will also attempt to be nice to everyone. and that means EVERYONE.
- i will. spend more time. talking. to jay times 6. ( not really, i should actually just stay away from him D: )
- not to watch TV too much
- try my best. in everything.
- do more charities!
- continue my love of korean celebrities, songs. and attempt. AGAIN. the korean language.
- clean my bookSHELVES.
- donate anything i do not wish to keep. be HARSH vanessa. be HARSH
- put my special memories, in a special box. that way they'll last.
- during the 2009 summer holidays. have as much fun as i can!
- but also during those holidays, take care. of everyone. mostly mum.
i'll really try to add more. but louise has finished her shower. so i gotta. take the time :)
x
it actually didn't turn out to be the longest blog i've ever written. because i cbb tying the sad news. so yeah :L
♥babyee
12:59 AM
12:59 AM
Saturday, December 5, 2009
guess what happened today?!? :)
i went to see fireworks. like really really up close.
so up close. my eyes hurted and so did my ears. D:
it was at my primary school, metella road! :)
it was this christian thing, but they invited everyone, so like. we went. bought glowsticks! never realised how FUN glowsticks were until then. it was really awesome, even though i'm not christian.. but yeah. it was just nice to see everyone there. and there was this huge band playing songs. christian songs of course :L
and yeah. took pics on phone. cannot post them up until i find my goddamn microchip thingy for the comp >.>
oh wells.
congrats to louisa. and her happily family after. i hope it lasts forever and ever! and she got a guitar.
and DAMMIT I WANT A GUITAR!
but i also want the new ipod nano with the video camera D:
what to do. what to do!!!
i went to see fireworks. like really really up close.
so up close. my eyes hurted and so did my ears. D:
it was at my primary school, metella road! :)
it was this christian thing, but they invited everyone, so like. we went. bought glowsticks! never realised how FUN glowsticks were until then. it was really awesome, even though i'm not christian.. but yeah. it was just nice to see everyone there. and there was this huge band playing songs. christian songs of course :L
and yeah. took pics on phone. cannot post them up until i find my goddamn microchip thingy for the comp >.>
oh wells.
congrats to louisa. and her happily family after. i hope it lasts forever and ever! and she got a guitar.
and DAMMIT I WANT A GUITAR!
but i also want the new ipod nano with the video camera D:
what to do. what to do!!!
♥babyee
3:09 AM
3:09 AM
Thursday, December 3, 2009
you gotta admit. i am disappointed. but not about the fact that we weren't gonna do variety night. it was the fact that you put my hopes up, over and over again. like i'm a ball or some crap. i really really wanted to, let me tell you, today shout at yous and say
" STOP IT YOU FUCKIN BITCHES. JUST MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND.!" i really wanted to say that, trust me! but i didn't.
i didn't because i knew that they did it, only because of ME. only ME. no one else apparently. i'm not gonna be pissed for long. but for now, i just really really. want to get this off my chest, or brain, or heart, or whatever.
i should've known it was the wrong decision the first time. no body ever ends up happy, doing something just because they were doing it for someone else. i should've thought about it. knowing my own experience. but i didn't. because i really wanted to do it. at that point, i guess i was on the edge of believing anything you guys would tell me. after joining and deciding what we were doing, jess joined. and then. you guys told me to tell her that she couldn't do it with us. cause she had her own act. and stuff. and i have to say, i agreed. and during that time. i guess i grew close with everyone. and i mean everyone. we were close. and together, minus jess i guess.
after a while. it was a week before variety night, when we were standing there, outside the music room, each worrying about the fact that we were gonna stuff up. afterwards, anne said that her and sarah both had commitments, and maybe we should just back out. i mean, i never thought of that as an option really. i thought, oh, we're performing, we're actually gonna do it! they won't let me down! they decided to back out then. i didn't cry. and i smiled and said that instead, it was alright. cause it was. in my brain.
i thought i was fine, but then i looked at jess. and i think she knew that i wasn't. she offered to let me join her. and i thanked her :) smiled. and said maybe. i didn't want to do it with her, it was HER performance, something i haven't spent time on. didn't put the effort in. something i wasn't close to. this morning, she gave me the music. and i told her, sorta, that i wasn't gonna do it with her. not because i didn't want to. because i shouldn't. "kicking:" her out was hard enough. how could i have stand that i went back to square 1? back with jess, as if nothing happened? at recess, you guys were like, oh we're doing it! we're doing it! i didn't know why really. until kevin told sarah that he bought a ticket. maybe that was the reason? maybe it wasn't. maybe it was cause you guys felt guilty. about the fact that i really wanted to do it. again, i didn't realised the mistake i was taking until too late. at lunch you guys told me you were gonna back out again.
and finally. i cried. it wasn't yous fault, honestly!. it was cause i felt like it was my fault. my fault for dragging everyone in this. no body wanted to do it. they did it because of me. its all my fault.
today would probably be the day i've cried most. ever. since year 2. i'm in year 8 now. i've cried at lunch, in the bathroom, on the train in front of public, and even in my favourite place, the shower. its not about the fact that we can't do it. although i am! obviously.! but. its the fact that my hopes went up. my mum KNEW my hopes went up. and i told her today. she said its stupid. and cooked me noodles. :) so even when mithila told me that we could still uncross our name on the sheet. i walked away. because i knew. it was going to happen again. no matter what. what your heart's not in something. you won't WANT to do it. hearing myself, i'd probably regret this decision, because inside i really wanted to do it. but no. so i want to thank you. thank you to mithila, vinu, monique, erica, anne and sarah. for making that effort. the effort of at least trying to do something. even though in the end it didn't work out. it didn't have to work out. it was the thought and i got that. i'm just disappointed that in the end, you guys still didn't want the same thing as i did. and was worried that you'll stuff up. stuffing up didn't matter. we were there to have fun. i would've liked my mum and my dad to see us up there, because i knew we had the potential to have fun and be oh- so- awesome up there. but its alright. i won't say yes again. and i won't go to variety night. louise will go. and she can tell me all about it. i don't think i would want to watch.
so this blog, really. its not the tell everyone else how i feel, or to make anyone feel guilty. i guess its something i wanted to get off my chest. to just forget about it. and a blog to really thank from the bottom of my heart. to all the people who made an effort.
made an effort to make me happy. didn't matter whether it succeed or failed. its the thought that counted.
" STOP IT YOU FUCKIN BITCHES. JUST MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND.!" i really wanted to say that, trust me! but i didn't.
i didn't because i knew that they did it, only because of ME. only ME. no one else apparently. i'm not gonna be pissed for long. but for now, i just really really. want to get this off my chest, or brain, or heart, or whatever.
i should've known it was the wrong decision the first time. no body ever ends up happy, doing something just because they were doing it for someone else. i should've thought about it. knowing my own experience. but i didn't. because i really wanted to do it. at that point, i guess i was on the edge of believing anything you guys would tell me. after joining and deciding what we were doing, jess joined. and then. you guys told me to tell her that she couldn't do it with us. cause she had her own act. and stuff. and i have to say, i agreed. and during that time. i guess i grew close with everyone. and i mean everyone. we were close. and together, minus jess i guess.
after a while. it was a week before variety night, when we were standing there, outside the music room, each worrying about the fact that we were gonna stuff up. afterwards, anne said that her and sarah both had commitments, and maybe we should just back out. i mean, i never thought of that as an option really. i thought, oh, we're performing, we're actually gonna do it! they won't let me down! they decided to back out then. i didn't cry. and i smiled and said that instead, it was alright. cause it was. in my brain.
i thought i was fine, but then i looked at jess. and i think she knew that i wasn't. she offered to let me join her. and i thanked her :) smiled. and said maybe. i didn't want to do it with her, it was HER performance, something i haven't spent time on. didn't put the effort in. something i wasn't close to. this morning, she gave me the music. and i told her, sorta, that i wasn't gonna do it with her. not because i didn't want to. because i shouldn't. "kicking:" her out was hard enough. how could i have stand that i went back to square 1? back with jess, as if nothing happened? at recess, you guys were like, oh we're doing it! we're doing it! i didn't know why really. until kevin told sarah that he bought a ticket. maybe that was the reason? maybe it wasn't. maybe it was cause you guys felt guilty. about the fact that i really wanted to do it. again, i didn't realised the mistake i was taking until too late. at lunch you guys told me you were gonna back out again.
and finally. i cried. it wasn't yous fault, honestly!. it was cause i felt like it was my fault. my fault for dragging everyone in this. no body wanted to do it. they did it because of me. its all my fault.
today would probably be the day i've cried most. ever. since year 2. i'm in year 8 now. i've cried at lunch, in the bathroom, on the train in front of public, and even in my favourite place, the shower. its not about the fact that we can't do it. although i am! obviously.! but. its the fact that my hopes went up. my mum KNEW my hopes went up. and i told her today. she said its stupid. and cooked me noodles. :) so even when mithila told me that we could still uncross our name on the sheet. i walked away. because i knew. it was going to happen again. no matter what. what your heart's not in something. you won't WANT to do it. hearing myself, i'd probably regret this decision, because inside i really wanted to do it. but no. so i want to thank you. thank you to mithila, vinu, monique, erica, anne and sarah. for making that effort. the effort of at least trying to do something. even though in the end it didn't work out. it didn't have to work out. it was the thought and i got that. i'm just disappointed that in the end, you guys still didn't want the same thing as i did. and was worried that you'll stuff up. stuffing up didn't matter. we were there to have fun. i would've liked my mum and my dad to see us up there, because i knew we had the potential to have fun and be oh- so- awesome up there. but its alright. i won't say yes again. and i won't go to variety night. louise will go. and she can tell me all about it. i don't think i would want to watch.
so this blog, really. its not the tell everyone else how i feel, or to make anyone feel guilty. i guess its something i wanted to get off my chest. to just forget about it. and a blog to really thank from the bottom of my heart. to all the people who made an effort.
made an effort to make me happy. didn't matter whether it succeed or failed. its the thought that counted.
♥babyee
1:05 AM
1:05 AM
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
mum came back from the doctors and yeah. its serious. but they're hoping to keep it in the same state, that it won't worsen. cause there isn't a cure for it. and they don't know why this appears. i hope they find the frekain cure or i will! ( actually, i won't. but you know. maybe louise will?)
they decided not to do variety night again. truth is, and i know mithila will read this. but i think she knows. so yeah :L i am upset. because i was really really looking forward to it. like. having fun and actually looking -oh-so-cool infront of the whole school yeah. that was in MY imagination :L but i guess you can't push people to do things the way you want it. they made an effort. and i think that's all it really counts. i think vinu really wants to do it as well. but that's only two of us. sarah has told me that she'll do it if i really really want to do it. but i'm not gonna show her that i really really wanna do it. cause yeah. its bad to push someone :L
jess, the BIRTHDAY GIRL! has offered to let me join her performance, and i might take it. so its really funny actually. like my mum pointed it out to me. isn't it weird that after all the fights and all the weirdness of not really wanting jess to join your group for variety night. and in the end its the people you wanted to go with that decided not to do it. and then you end up with jess again? so the fight was all for nothing. and i think that's stupid. so i really really want to thank you. to jess. even though she can get on my nerves so much that sometimes i wanna choke her. she knows what i really wanted. so thank you birthday girl. vinu really wants to do it as well. so i might ask jess if she would let her as well. i hope so. i really want her to do something as well. that'd be awesome.
more later. sport was awesome as :) sarah and anne and mithila choreographed LOVE photo. looks mad. fb! louise is at camp today, back friday. gonna use this time to enjoy. chillax. and invade her bedroom!
x
they decided not to do variety night again. truth is, and i know mithila will read this. but i think she knows. so yeah :L i am upset. because i was really really looking forward to it. like. having fun and actually looking -oh-so-cool infront of the whole school yeah. that was in MY imagination :L but i guess you can't push people to do things the way you want it. they made an effort. and i think that's all it really counts. i think vinu really wants to do it as well. but that's only two of us. sarah has told me that she'll do it if i really really want to do it. but i'm not gonna show her that i really really wanna do it. cause yeah. its bad to push someone :L
jess, the BIRTHDAY GIRL! has offered to let me join her performance, and i might take it. so its really funny actually. like my mum pointed it out to me. isn't it weird that after all the fights and all the weirdness of not really wanting jess to join your group for variety night. and in the end its the people you wanted to go with that decided not to do it. and then you end up with jess again? so the fight was all for nothing. and i think that's stupid. so i really really want to thank you. to jess. even though she can get on my nerves so much that sometimes i wanna choke her. she knows what i really wanted. so thank you birthday girl. vinu really wants to do it as well. so i might ask jess if she would let her as well. i hope so. i really want her to do something as well. that'd be awesome.
more later. sport was awesome as :) sarah and anne and mithila choreographed LOVE photo. looks mad. fb! louise is at camp today, back friday. gonna use this time to enjoy. chillax. and invade her bedroom!
x
♥babyee
3:04 AM
3:04 AM